L'CUBBIE

I miss Japan~

Don’t know why do I miss Japan so much, or perhaps I just want to escape from SG.

I miss the tress, the air, the colours of Japan. Yet, I sense a certain smell of loneliness in the air.

I miss the people too. Although they do not always speak from the heart (more of formality), but they still speak more than me. Lol.

I heard the course that I wanted to go might not exist anymore. Shocked and teary. Must clarify on Tuesday. I have an interview tomorrow. Do not want to be disturbed. Really hope that I can get the job tomorrow.

How do I break through?

I should reflect on how I study Japanese. Why am I not improving.

I still searching for a bigger reason.

Source: http://download.4-designer.com/files/20131210/Colorful-Christmas-tree-snowflake-label-icon-vector-material-52100.jpg

Source: http://comps.canstockphoto.com/can-stock-photo_csp16289894.jpg

Source: http://bing-gallery.com/christmas-icons

Interesting icons from research~

Also, 2 months into the Certificate in Visual Communication, 我现在清楚这不是我的目标了。But since I paid for the course already, I shall finish it.

几米的书中有这一句，“看不见的，是不是等于不存在？”

难道看见的，就是事实？做得多不代表不懒惰，因为其实可以做得跟多.

Once again, i ask myself if i only have one year to live.. what will I do?

A: But still not sufficient, I need a bigger reason.

B: Do you (have to go)? You have the best Japanese teacher in SG (Can Sensei) to teach you. Why do you need to go to Japan to study Japanese?

A: I feel that if I choose not to go, then this will be a regret in my life. This has always been my dream to study overseas. But since I do not have any idea what to study, the dream has always remind just a dream. But now, since I am studying Japanese, I though I could use this as a subject to study overseas in fulfilling my dream.

B: Then why SUJ?

A: Actually no particular reason. Just so happen Ikeda Sensei has founded a University and the University has the Japanese course.

B: Well, if you do not plan, then you plan to fail. What do you want to do after one year in Japan?

A: Honestly, no idea. As per my previous YEP trip, I didn’t plan on what to achieve on the trip. My only genuine desire was to step out of my comfort zone to do something different in life and to challenge my stage fright “illness”. Lol. But I returned from the YEP trip with much more than I had planned. It is a very precious and important point in my life. Absolutely no regrets.

B: You are not good at language. Look at how you are struggling right now. How do you think going to Japan will help?

A: A senior in faith gave me the guidance to chant abundant daimoku and base my life on daimoku. And I believe since every moment is kofu and everything that happens, happens for a reason, my experience there will certainly help me in my future endeavors. Yes, I know if I have a bigger reason to be there, I will have more to gain from the decision. But that lack of the bigger reason should not stop me from going right?

B: そうですね。

A: I still hope I can study under Can Sensei when I am back.

(Struggling internally)

Life is about making decision. I have an interview on 3 March. I really want that job.

To reply, I want to change my life.

To reply, this is something I always wanted to do.

To reply, I want to understand a different side of me.

Almost end of January. A month have gone by in 2014! Currently my work volume is very high, have been lunching in the office everyday for the last 2 weeks. Yesterday was late for class. Today is late for class again.

I enjoyed the lessons on Tuesday (using Illustrator) but not so much for the class on Thursday (drawing). Not that I dislike drawing, but I confirm-ed that I do not have much creativity. I need at least a JLPT 2 to study in Japan. Maybe my dream will always be a dream. Currently not spending sufficient time on my Japanese. In a mess.

Waiting for bonus in March, then I will leave. My boss is transferring to another team, no point staying on anymore. What I dislike most about my current job? Having to cover colleague’s duty when they are on leave. Because I really do not have the time and capacity to do so. Just because I know how to do their work so I always have to be the person covering them?

This song always move me to tears, my mentor, your heart is so strong.

Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Happy Belated Merry Christmas~ {from all the chocolates}

[Tomorrow, I’m going to meet a senior and yet I don’t really know what to ask to seek her guidance… ]

月亮忘記了

I want to collect these 2 books:
1. 幾米故事的開始 (link)
2. 如果我可以許一個願望 (link)

I feel depressed as CS has rejected my job application, no news from other various position I have applied.

I feel depressed once again because I feel there is nothing I am good at. Frequently at odds with boss.

I just need [A] job… I often admire people whom can make a career for themselves in doing that they love. Why am I not enjoying my life so? 想不开。。

Let’s take a step back and see:

The things that I should be appreciative about:

1. I have a job that I don’t really like (I really dislike having to cover PT’s job) but pays me enough to get by comfortably. Still trying to find a new job.
2. I have the Gohonzon. Telling myself: Must not give up.
3. I have many challenges on human revolution (e.g. laziness, always giving excuses)
4. I finally signed up for the Certificate in Visual Communication @ NAFA.
5. I have the opportunity to travel, but the greedy me would prefer a job that allows me to travel to Japan and Germany (perhaps, since I have not been there. But hear many things about Germany).
6. A district that I really have to be serious, in mastering my stand alone spirit and my mission.
7. The good friends I have around me.
8. The ability (financially, physically and mentally as of now) to working towards my dream. If I want to move overseas, would be challenging to convince my mum.
9. I am serious about this point; my MacBook Pro. I can’t live without it. I think I can lie without my phone but not my laptop.